This was written seven days ago.
Time for baby news update. I'm still in limbo. CD 42, 9 days late, 6 days longer than my longest cycle in the last four months. If I'm pregnant, I am day shy of six weeks. I tested twice yesterday. Once in the morning because I really thought I was going to see a positive. Then again in the evening because I prayed to everything good in this world for a miracle, simple peace of mind that I'm not suffering some horrible problem or experiencing early menopause.
Not knowing has had me really down and extra emotional. As much as I want to be pregnant, if I'm not right now then I'm okay with that. I just want my cycle to move on so we can try again. I think I must have said that a thousand times, but I still mean it. Anything , even AF, is better than not knowing how the rest of your life is gonna be. Not knowing if your wish has come true or if you should keep wishing.
I attempted to end the wait yesterday. Mom took me to a clinic to get tested. Only $28 and a bit of blood would give me an answer. I went in to see the "doctor" who wasn't very doctorish to me. She asked about my symptoms and cycle information. She mentioned that it might be too early to tell. I thought that was weird, but shrugged it off since sometimes even blood tests can be wrong though it's not common. Then she said all that was left to do was "collect" so I said, "okay," and started looking around for where the needles were. She grabbed a plastic package off the counter that I assumed was a blood collection kit, but then she handed it to me. I looked at her with a confused expression and then looked at what she handed me, a cup in a bag. Incredulously, I looked back at her and asked, "You want me to pee in a cup?" She confirmed and I told her that first of all, I had just peed and secondly, I was expecting a blood test. Peeing on a stick didn't work at home. I didn't need to pay $28 for one doctor's test that would only tell me what I already know, absolutely nothing!
Alex did some calling around though and found out where we can go for a blood test. We're going right after work. Hopefully, some light will be shed on my darkness.