Today

I tested today. Another BFN. I wasn't gonna be too bummed about it though because was supposed to be an awesome day. Alex and I headed out to the court house this morning to get legally married. Apparently it's not as easy as it use to be. There's not a Justice of the Peace there to marry you. Alex had to go to work so we ended up not getting to get married today. We are going to wait until Saturday since we know where to go then.

Other then that, I also had my cable turned back on. I had canceled it forever ago, but they called me with an offer that I could not refuse. Two guys came out and got everything set up with minimal interruption of the day. They were both very nice. 

I had one more thing I was looking forward to and that was the arrival of my Droid X. I didn't have to wait long. Within about 15 minutes of the Charter guys leaving, the dogs started stirring again and I knew someone was here. I met the Fed-Ex guy at the door and got my brand new toy. I have been playing with throughout the day (while watching TV). Androidforums.com has been a huge help. They have all the tips and tricks and side-steps and best widgets/apps/programs for the X listed. So I have spent quite a bit of time on there.

I did end up going back out today. We decided to make tacos, but yesterday we forgot the tortillas so I went out to Wal-Mart to grab some. OMG. There was a ridiculous amount of tortillas to choose from! I am not good with making those kinds of decisions. I stood there for, no kidding, like five minutes, picking up different packs, looking at prices, comparing sizes. I finally just picked one that seemed like a good size and that was it. Honestly, there doesn't need to be that many choices when it comes to tortillas. A flat round disk of appropriate size is all that's required

Seduction Rides The Wings of Dragonflies

This post has nothing to do with seduction, just dragonflies. That song just happens into my head whenever I think of dragonflies. Anyways...

I saved a life. It was the life of a dragonfly, but a life all the same and I felt good about it. When I walked into the office, there was a glue trap sticking out of the trash can. The dragonfly was stuck to it. I assumed he was dead and headed over to my desk to get to work. About 45 minutes later, I heard a noise from the trash and realized the dragonfly was trying to fly. He was still alive!

Without even thinking twice, I grabbed scissors and cut out the piece of the trap that he was stuck to and headed outside. His legs and left wings were stuck so I cut the glue into two separate pieces, the one his legs was on and the one his wings were on. Holding the piece his wing was on, I slowly pulled the other piece until he was free from it. He didn't lose a single leg and I was worried that he might. The only thing left to un-stick were the tips of his left wings. I tried to keep them intact, but I have found a dragonfly's wings are paper-thin and as brittle as a dead leaf. He ended up losing the tips to those wings. 

I was worried that he wouldn't be able to fly. Being the empathetic person I am, he would have had a great home, complete with all he needed. Wouldn't that have been a surprise for Alex? Adult dragonflies only live for about a month so we wouldn't have been care-taking long. However, the little guy was a trooper. We had a few test runs on the patio. He hovered pretty well, had a little issue with direction, but I assessed there was no reason to keep him from the wild. I sat him on a column facing the vegetative area by the river. He took off, faltered, then hovered. At that point, he was beyond my reach and there was nothing I could do. I went back inside. I think he'll be fine. At least he won't die by slowly starving to death. So that totally made me happy.

Baby Wanna Go For Walkies?

I saw something yesterday that kinda irked me. At work, a guest had their toddler in one of those animal backpack with the attached leash. Now, I am all for those backpacks. They are a great way to make sure irresponsible parents do not lose their children. (I'm sorry. That was mean.) I know they're useful. Kids are quick and keeping them leashed is for their safety. Wouldn't want them to run into the road and get hit or bite a stranger's leg. Oh, wait. That's why we keep dogs leashed.

Anyways, so this little toddler, probably about a year old, has one of the monkey backpacks on. The packs generally come with a cloth leash about 5-6 feet long. It's a good length. They can move around, but can't get away from you, definitely always within your range of eyesight and generally always able to feel them on the other end of the leash. However, on this particular backpack, the cloth leash had been replaced with a 12 foot long nylon dog leash. Really.

Maybe the guy holding the leash was confused about what he had on the other end of the leash. If one of my dogs is going to go a way that I do not want her to, I give a slight tug on the leash, just enough to let her know we're going a different way and she turns and off we go. This man's child (I assume it's his unless someone has started a child-walking business that hasn't made the news) started to go towards one of the play areas and the man pulled the leash back. Now, not being that great on his feet anyway, the pull not only stopped the kid, but caused him to fall backwards and hit the ground. He wasn't hurt, but he could have been. He could have hit his head on something. While the kid was down, the man took that opportunity to take up the slack in the 12' long leash. Had he been using the leash that it came with the kid would not have been able to go further than the man wanted and to the point that he had to pull the leash causing him to fall. Like I said though, maybe the man was confused by the leash and figured it was just like walking a dog.

Why even have a leash that long? Unless you're drilling your dog over an obstacle course or staking him in the yard for a short duration, I don't see the use, especially not for a child. With 12' of slack, he could be in the road, in front of a car before you could stop him. Also, since people use it as an excuse to not watch their kids, a pedophile/kidnapper could cut the leash and be out the door before they even notice. Six feet away from your hand, if someone approaches your kid, you know. Twelve feet away, possibly even around a corner while you focus on chatting with your friends or ogling the hottie across the room, you wouldn't even see. The guy I saw today probably wouldn't notice until his quick tug brought him nothing but the severed end of his nylon leash. As he freaks out, people around start looking for a loose dog.

Honestly, what is the point in purchasing a product designed to increase a child's safety in a public place (while appearing responsible to the other child-on-a-leash toting parents) and completely remove or alter the part that made it so?

For me, I don't plan on leashing my kid(s). I'm going to use the old-fashioned method, out-dated and un-chic though it may be, of simply holding my kid's hand and watching them when they're out of my hand. As of yet, I have not seen a leashed child that could out run me or one strong enough to wrestle their hand out of mine. So I think we'll be fine. My mother never leashed me and never lost me either.

While I understand backpack leashes for kids and commend people with the foresight of their own irresponsibility to use them, treating your child like a dog while on the end of the leash is not good parenting, neither is extending your radius to the point that you cannot immediately remove them from danger. Just sayin'.

A Night Off From Your Significant Other? Could You Do It? Part 2

This is part 2 to "A Night Off From Your Significant Other? Could You Do It?"

So, I discussed how I would react if Alex admitted to cheating on me. I also said I truly believe he would never do that. Considering some of the things I said though, you may be wondering about my own ability to stay monogamous. To be honest, I had wondered about it, too. It's not that I've never been faithful in a relationship. I have been. However, I have many marks against me. I said in the last blog that I believe people who are sexually adventurous are more apt to cheat. I also noted that I happen to be the very adventurous type. There's also the fact that I have cheated in past relationships. Now, I've never believed the "once a cheater, always a cheater," saying, but a little, insecure, inner-voice sometimes wonders, "what if it is true?" Let's add on the fact that I'm bi and have been in a polyamorous relationship. (For those wondering, polyamory and polygamy are not the same. I'm not going to explain polyamory though. For more info go here: Introduction to Polyamory.)

There is another mark against me. Before Alex, I was beyond in love (limerence is the exact word for what I was feeling) with a man who strictly wanted nothing but a sexual relationship with me. The reason being that he was married and had told me from the beginning that he had no intention of leaving his wife. At the beginning of our fun that was fine by me, but feelings formed over time. He was unhappy in his marriage and that thought fueled my fantasy that some day he would see how much more he and I could be. There was nothing that I would not do for him and ever telling him no was impossible. I believed I could make him happy. I was his very willing slave.

We drifted apart, talking occasionally. He's a very smart man though. He's never stopped trying to get me to meet him again even though he knows I'm with Alex. He drowns me in compliments which I can't help but nearly purr when I hear. I figured if anyone could even make me stray, it would be him. I was so tight around his finger and he knew though never really cared.

I'm in a much better spot now then I was back in the day though. I'm stronger. As I said, I liked the compliments and his asking me to see him. It's a role-reversal that anyone who has ever been hurt by someone has hoped for. For a while, it was great for my ego, but I realized something recently. It doesn't help me anymore. It may be nice, but it doesn't matter to me. When it comes down to my looks and abilities, the only one whose opinion matters is Alex's and when I was trying to imagine how his cheating would affect me, I got just the taste of how awful that could be. I love Alex so much and I would never ever for any reason want him to feel that way.

I'm going to contact that man and let him know that there is no chance of us meeting...ever. I've let him hold onto the idea that we might for my own selfish reasons. I have moved on and he should, too. He'll act like it's no big deal and that's fine by me. The less drama the better.

I'm excited to know how I feel about all this now. I've never really let myself dwell on it much. Everyone should though. Take the time to really mull over what your final answer is on cheating. Find out exactly where your lines are. You might surprise yourself. In my case, I'm happy to know that nothing is stronger than my feelings for my fiance. 

UPDATE: I told the guy when I caught him online. He did not act like it was no big deal. It apparently was a big deal. He got mad and got all snotty with me, suddenly saying he had to go because he was busy. I stated that I just thought he should know and he reiterated that he was busy. If he's hurt and/or mad, I'm sorry. He's made me mad and hurt me, even to the point that I was physically ill for days. I've never received an apology. I wasn't doing this to retaliate though. As I stated, I didn't even think he would care. I do apologize though for whatever unpleasant feelings I may have caused him. That was not my intent. This is just better for everyone though.

A Night Off From Your Significant Other?? Could You Do It?

I read a blog called "I Gave My Boyfriend a Night Off--With Another Woman," by Cameron Rodriguez. She talks about discussing with her significant other whether or not a one-time cheat, a night off, would be okay. She felt that under certain circumstances she could forgive him. Sadly, months later that statement was put to the test. Her man admitted to a one-night stand with a chick he met at the baseball park. In tears, he said he felt horrible about it and had been scared to tell her because he didn't want to lose her. Considering the details he told her about and remembering what she had said about letting such a transgression pass, she forgave him. They broke a couple years later, but she assures that it was not because of his night off.

This gave me a lot to think about, As far as relationships, love, and sexual encounters go, my life is not exactly normal. In think I can make a good objective judge of cheating characteristics. You see, in past relationships I have cheated and been the other woman. I've also kept the secrets of my friends' indiscretions. So I have a pretty good idea of what makes up a cheater. Honestly, I can say Alex would never cheat on me. I believe that the more sexually adventurous a person is the more likely they are to cheat. I was married once before and I cheated. My then husband never did. While he was experimental on occasion, he was no where near as crazy as I was. Alex is even less adventurous than that. He is a self-admitted vanilla person. I have to add that it's a very bland vanilla at that, borderline flavorless, bless his heart. Not even into the hardcore porn that flows from the internet, preferring lone chick videos. I have tried watching stuff like that. I tend to get bored. I've tried to teach him new things and get him to try new things, but I have been largely unsuccessful. I do want to point out that I am not in any way unsatisfied. Variety is just a spice, not the whole meal. Anyways, that's a big reason I believe he would never cheat on me. However, to play devil's advocate, what if he did? He's in another state all week. What better place for it to happen? So what if he did and, like the guy in the blog, admitted it to me. How would I deal with that?

Despite seeing infidelity from so many different angles, I have never (to my knowledge) been cheated on. I use to always say that I didn't care if my man wanted to hook up with another girl so long as he shared. (A line that truly annoyed my mother who at the time was having still trying to accept my bisexuality.) However this was before being with a married guy who wanted to bring another chick (other than his wife) into our play time. I took note and said I would find someone. As it so happened, he had already been researching and sent me into on a couple of girls he'd gone out with who he thought might be into it. The thought of being with someone who he'd been with before, had a past with, made me sick to my stomach. He was quite annoyed and said I was just being jealous and even questioned my bisexuality. My problem had nothing to do with being with him and another girl though. It's one thing when a guy says, "I would like a threesome," but it's completely different to have him say, "I would like a threesome...and here's who I would like to be with."

So that pretty much kills the "not minding so long as he shares" theory. And with Alex, I find that I have quite a jealous/protective streak, even with perceived, if nonexistent, threats. So back to the question at hand. How would I feel if Alex came back from his trip and told me he met someone while he was gone, but that it was just a one-night stand and that he felt absolutely horrible about it? It is so hard for me to imagine. He is my world. We are engaged and trying to have a baby. In all honestly, I can't see myself having a reaction. I think I would go completely numb, in like a shock. Obviously I would be hurt and the trust between us would take a major hit. I think it would take a long while before I could ever be intimate with him again or even let him hold me at night. However, I think my desired to be comforted would eventually win out on that one. Sexual intimacy though...it would be a while before we could head down that road without me thinking, "Did he do this to her? Did he kiss her? If I touch him a certain way, will it make him think of her? Was he thinking of me when he was with her? Is he thinking of her now?" Whether he was actually thinking of her or not would be irrelevant because I would be thinking about her. I would not be able to proceed with such thoughts in my head.

But I would still want to be with him. I could eventually forgive him and those horrible thoughts (that even by just imagining for a theoretical situation has left me feeling sick to my stomach) would go away. I know he would feel horrible. He would hate himself for what he did to me and to our relationship.

What has been great about writing this piece is knowing that without a doubt, I will never have to find out if how I think I would react is truly what I would do. I've made comments about Alex being with another woman before. Even before he left, I joked about him meeting someone there and not coming home. He never even entertains such thoughts. "No, honey. I only want you. I love you." I one hundred percent believe him.

This has been quite enlightening and has led to a part 2 that will be posted tomorrow.

The Worst Great Day!

I know the title seems like an oxymoron, but I assure you it is quite apropos. 

Today, I had to get up early and take Alex to the airport. I dropped him off a bit after nine in the morning. He's going to be gone for a week for a work-related training seminar. So that totally sucked. Have I mentioned how much I absolutely, with every fiber of my being, hate, loath, despise his job? Seriously, if we ever split up, I guarantee you it will have something to do with the job he is working right now. It is ridiculous trying to have a relationship with they way they treat him. Anyways, I'm getting side-tracked.

So after the suckiness of dropping him off, I decided I would go to the Foothills Mall to kill time. Only it didn't open until noon. Fail. So I headed over to Petsmart. It didn't open until ten. Double fail. So I decided to go ahead into Knoxville since that was my destination for late anyways. I stopped at McDonald's on Alcoa Hwy and waited in a ridiculously long line to get a sweet tea. About two miles later, I took my first drink of my "sweet tea." Worst sweet tea EVAR! It was in fact not sweet tea, but the soda I detest the most, Diet Coke. It couldn't even have been Coke or Dr. Pepper. No, Diet Coke. I was too far to go back so I was just stuck with stomaching that. Fail.

I headed over to West Town Mall and found that they don't open until noon either. Fail. For those not keeping track, that's four. I did manage to find Petsmart open. I went in to see if they had larger bags of the dog food we buy. They did, but it was $0.20/pound more expensive so no go. I went to A.C. Moore to see if they had any lacey, vintage-looking, table cloths. They did not. I headed back to the now open mall. Skillfully ignoring the random nationality salespeople of the kiosks, I made into Hot Topic. I love this store. It's the only place I can find GIR stuff. 

I killed enough time to head up to the World's Fair Park for Families In The Kitchen. After making three wrong turns, I ended up where I needed to be. I parked, got my stuff, remembered I dropped my keys in my seat, grabbed them (didn't want to lock myself out of the car), and headed to the festival. About 20 ft away, I remembered I left my money in the car. Went back for it. About 20 ft away again, I decided I didn't need to bring my purse. Headed back again while digging in my purse for my keys. I didn't find them. When I got to the car, I looked in the window and groaned. There were my keys on the passenger seat. Fail. (I have lost count now.) I have five dollars to my name at this point so I could not call a lock-smith. I frantically post to FB asking anyone to help. 

I met my friend A and her hubby and kids and we headed to the Families In The Kitchen festival while I waited to hear from people. It was a nice little gathering. There was a cook-off taking place on stage. Tents from all kinds of local businesses and such promoting better health. A lot of them had activities for the kids to do and I thought that was fantastic. A's four kids had a blast and us adults had fun watching them. It was really a lot of fun. Total win!

A friend of mine, whom I shall love for ever and ever for this, came all the way from Maryville and got into my car. I met him in front of the museum and he handed my keys over. Win! It was so great to know I was going to get to leave. I had been talking to Alex about it after he landed. I told him I didn't want to be homeless in Knoxville. I couldn't even live in my car. Anyways, thanks to S for coming all that way, getting me in my car, and then refusing to take my five dollars. Definitely a stand up guy.

I tried a different McDonald's on the way home. I waited approximately ten minutes in line to get my sweet tea, which leads me to believe McDonald's is not actually fast food, just food. It was worth it though. I took a cautious first sip and tasted the wonderfulness that is their tea. Yay!

So now I am home. As far as relaxing weekends go, this one is near the bottom of the list, but it was definitely adventurous and fun. Such is Sevier Life.

Alice In Wonderland Wedding!

I have decided to share some of the choices we have made or are considering for the wedding. Since, I hate blogs that have pictures, but don't tell you where to get the items, rest assured, I have provided links for all you see. Clicking the links will take you to the site's homepage. Clicking the pictures will take you to that particular item. Enjoy!

The Dress: From Unique Vintage

The Hat: From Unique Vintage

The Cake: Originally by Cake Nouveau. I'm using Rosa's Catering

The Bridesmaid Dresses: from Wholesale Bridesmaid Dresses

Potential Backdrop: From Beautiful Backdrops

Potential Crinoline: From Petticoat Style

Potential Petticoats: From Petticoat Style

(note: all these are on the same page of the website)

Girls' Night Out!

Last night was a most excellent night! Myself and three of my friends went to the Einstein Simplified show at The Square Room in Knoxville. After everything I have been going through, it was nice to push all that stuff to the back of my mind and just have fun! 

I picked B up around 6:45pm. I had planned on being there at 6:30 so I should have known I would not make it before 6:45. I'm honestly not sure if we've seen each other in the last year. So it was nice to catch up on so much. We headed to Alcoa to get A. We got there almost right at 7:30pm, maybe a bit after. She and I talk via text and FB on a regular basis, but it had been a while since I saw her, as well. The last time was after a surgery she had and that was a few months ago now. We said goodbye to her hubby and kids and then headed to Knoxville. 

It didn't occur to me until I was in Knoxville that I have never found Market Square on my own. There has always been someone with me or I've been following someone or had someone on the phone telling me where to turn. Neither B nor A knew how to get there either. However, I have an amazingly photographic mind. Since Alex and I had just went early in the month I was able to match up what I was seeing and doing with what I had done before. I did end up on the wrong side of Market Square, but that was easily solved. I was just excited that I did find it.

Once there, the three of us went searching for The Square Room. There was a great vintage clothing shop on the Square that A wanted me to see. I believe it was called Reruns. I have been on a vintage kick here recently thanks to wedding planning. We stopped in at Coffee and Chocolate to ask where we should go. The nice person inside directed us down an alley that led us right up to The Square Room. 

Outside, we waited for J, whom I have not seen in flipping forever. She and I had been the closest friends for quite some time so it was definitely great to see her again. The fact that I had all three of these great, amazing, wonderful ladies with me just made my night. I forgot how much fun it is to hang out with the girls. I really had.

Since we were all there, we headed inside and found ourselves a nice table. We talked about all kinds of things, just generally catching up on our lives, telling anecdotes, and drooling over the occasional guy (there's no harm in looking).

The show got started a little after 9:00pm. We were all set and ready until the emcee of the night asked our table for a sentence and we all apparently went blank. I talked to B about that on the way home. She had the same issue I did. As soon as he said, "that is not a question," there was nothing but questions in my mind! Luckily for the performers, he moved on and didn't come back to us often. We still had a great time though! They had us totally cracking up all night.

After the show, A went up to talk to one of the performers she knew. She mentioned he had worked with her hubby and I totally remembered him when she said that. He and his fiancee had been at her hubby's birthday party the year before last when I had went. That had been a great night for many reasons. 

Anyways, from there we headed back to the parking garage and said goodbye to J. Then we headed back to A's. She wanted to show all the changes they have been making to their house so B and I went in for a bit, took a look around, and did some chatting. I think it was around midnight when we left because by time I got to B's place it was almost one in the morning.

When I got home, I was quite tired. I generally get up at six thirty in the morning and never get to bed later than ten thirty. A had texted me to make sure I got home and I told her how I was not use to staying up that late anymore. She jokingly said we were getting old. I told her we were, but that it was a good thing.

I went to send out a big thank you to my girls for coming out with me last night. It was so much fun and I love you all so very much! And, as each of you told me, yes, we will have to do it again very soon!

Restaurant Reviews x 2!

There's not been a whole lot going on lately. Just a few things to mention.

Thursday, Alex and I went to The Blue Moose in Pigeon Forge. It's a great little place with the "sports bar" theme going on. TVs line the walls along with random sports memorabilia and moose heads. It's a small place, very cozy, with a great atmosphere. My friends and I use to go there all the time. It was always fun.

As far as food goes, the first thing to mention is, of course, their Poker Chips (fried pickle chips). They are amazing! Back in the day, the thought of a fried pickle disgusted me. Blue Moose's Poker Chips were the first fried pickles I tried and remain my favorite.

Usually, I order the Bad Dog, a sinful, heart-attack inducing creation. It's a plump hot dog wrapped in bacon and covered in cheese and sauteed onions. So bad, but soooo good. I wanted to try something different though so I went with their Swiss Mushroom Melt. I was given a choice of fries or onion rings. I'm picky about onion rings so I chose fries. It was good. Nothing spectacular, but good nonetheless. 

Alex had decided to try the Bad Dog since I always say how good it is. However, not being a fan of onions he didn't care all that much for it. He ordered onion rings (I know. Go figure.) and barely touched them. So not a lot to say about his food.

Friday, we went to my most favoritest place to eat in the whole wide world, Little Tokyo. Not once, ever, have I had an non-enjoyable experience or a bad meal there. I have read reviews from some of the tourists who have come across the place and many say it's a hidden gem of the area. I have to agree. I had the Steak and Chicken and Alex had the Steak and Shrimp. Both of us had no complaints. The best thing about Little Tokyo is that you get two meals in one. There's always leftovers so the price is well worth it. :)

Well, that's all for restaurant reviews.

A Walk In the Park

Mom called today and told me about the funeral arrangements for Papaw. She said she would totally understand if I didn't want to go. Honestly, I didn't. I just don't feel the need to go there and see what I spent all yesterday crying about. It will be a lovely service with tons of people there. Papaw was a business man who knew most everyone in his area. I think I would rather just visit the grave at a later date. Mom said that was fine. 

On to other things..

Last night, we slept with the window open since the weather was so nice. I opened the window after our light had been turned off. It wasn't until this morning, when I went to close the window that I found out there was no screen in the window. Luckily, I had kept the blinds closed and a black out curtain over that. Those things coupled with no lights in the room or anywhere near the window kept us from being invaded by bugs. I have no idea why there is no screen there. There's screens everywhere else...kinda makes me wonder.

Alex and I went for a walk today. We decided to walk from the house to the end of our street, about .8 of a mile away. As we started walking, I listed the things I had with me. There was my cell phone, chapstick, house keys, and my butterfly knife. Alex was a bit surprised by the last one and asked why I brought it. Told him it was just in case we got attacked by a bear or a dog. Incredulous, he asked, "You're gonna stab a dog?" It was a fair question as I'm an animal lover and feel a lot of empathy towards all creatures, but it's like I told him, "If a dog attacks me, yeah, I'll stab it." I would feel bad about it, but I'm not going to just let it attack me.

Towards the end of the road, a large hound dog came running down off the porch of one of the houses. He was barking, growling, and  not acting friendly. I asked Alex if he was glad I brought me knife. He was. The hound didn't leave the yard though, just stood at the edge and barked at us. Maybe he had one of those invisible fences. I've heard they work well and he definitely didn't seem interested in coming down to the road and approaching us. I don't doubt that would have been different had we stepped into the yard. We passed without harm and on the way back we didn't even see the dog.

We did meet a second dog, a little maltese that I've seen around. He came running out like the hound, barking, growling, generally appearing as vicious as a maltese can, which is just short of adorable. He actually came up to me and sniffed my shoe before running away, barking like mad again. He followed us til we got a bit past his house and he turned and went back home. 

It was a nice walk, but the cold, cold shower afterwards was the best part. I look forward to doing it again.

"Life Is An Illusion"

There is a quote that I love very much and at times like this it can be quite comforting.

As she stood before the firing squad:
"Life is an illusion."
-Mata Hari

Such a simple sentence provokes so much into my mind. The most important at the moment though is simply that death is not the end. Death is the beginning. I imagine that the illusion is removed and you can see all. You can see the world in it's beauty and see how you were never alone. In life, you may have hit the ground, felt like you would never be able to get back up, but there was always someone there to help you up. You just couldn't see them. Angels, spirits, whatever you chose to call them it doesn't matter. They were there and you will be able to see them after the illusion of life is removed. My grandparents are no longer in the illusion. They are seeing the true beauty and they will be the ones picking me up whenever I hit the ground and can't find the strength to rise. I just won't be able to see them. Whenever I'm up again though, I will remember to thank them.

Inside The Actor's Studio Questions

1. What is your favorite word?

I use to always say “sesquipedalian” was my favorite word, but that’s not true. That’s just my favorite word to say. I think my favorite word is “love.” It’s such an amazing thing. It has many uses. A person could write a thousand books, a thousand pages each on love and still not be able to fully understand and appreciate the word, the feeling, in all its complexity.

2. What is your least favorite word?

Considering my favorite word, “hate” would seem the logical choice. However, I am not naive. Everything needs an opposing force; hate is necessary for love to exist. I think “colonel” is my least favorite word. It irritates the hell out of me. There is no “r” in the word, nor is there any letter or combination of letters in the word that would produce an “r” sound. It’s ridiculous. It renders the alphabet useless.  It always makes me think of that Monty Python sketch with Mr. Yacht, where “yacht” is pronounced “throat gobbler mangrove".

3. What turns you on?

Talent, ambition, passion, and a bit of arrogance…all qualities my fiancé has.

4. What turns you off?

Intolerance.

  

5. What sound or noise do you love?

There are two. One is the sound of a cat purring. It’s contentment manifested as sound. The second is the noise my dogs make when they’re “talking.” It’s not barking. It’s just a really cute noise.

6. What sound or noise do you hate?

This was the easiest question, but my answer has been the same for as long as I can remember. It’s that blaring, horrible sound of a generic alarm on clock radios. Worst sound ever. It’s not pleasant at all and it only ever woke me for unpleasant things.

  

7. What is your favorite curse word?

This is probably a toss-up between saying “damn it” or “son of a bitch.” Both come out of my mouth more than they should.

8. What profession other than your own would you like to attempt?

Criminal psychologist.  The  mind is such an interesting thing as is, but it’s the unusual and generally brilliant minds of the most infamous criminals that really is…I don’t know. They’re like a never ending puzzle and I like puzzles.

9. What profession would you not like to do?

I would not like to try my hand at corporate stooge.

10. If Heaven exists, what would you like to hear God say when you arrive at the Pearly Gates?

“Hello. Welcome. There are those who want to see you again. You can stay as long as you want. Think about all you have learned from this life. You can return when you feel that you are ready.”

Shocked by the Expected

I am sitting at home, not really sure what I should be doing. I was at work and my mom called. As soon as I saw her name on the caller ID my heart sank into my stomach. She never calls me during the work day. When I answered, she asked if I was at work. I hesitantly said that I was. Then she said that she hated to tell me while I was work, but that my papaw had passed away. I didn't know what to say. We knew he was going to pass soon, but for some reason I wasn't expecting it to be as soon. It's weird to be shocked by something you expected.

I'm kind of surprised by the intensity of emotion I feel. Of course I loved him, but I was always closer to my grandma. She passed away two years ago. Even though I was there when she died and I went to the funeral. I never really felt like she wasn't there. They lived in Indiana and even though I knew better, I felt like if I wanted I could get in the car and drive up there and still see her and talk to her. I think I may have felt that way because she was still there, waiting on Papaw. My mom even mentioned how my cousin's toddler came up to papaw and said "Lilly's here." Lilly was my Papaw's pet name for Grandma. Her first name was Lillian, though everyone called her by her middle name, Rowena. She didn't know that. She's a baby, but she said it all the same.

Grandma and Papaw are together now and that makes me happy, but at the same time I am distraught. I don't have that feeling anymore that I can still go see my grandparents if I wanted to. It feels like a doubly hard loss. They are gone and I really do miss them. 

In memory of my grandparents....

I love you, Grandma! I love you, Papaw!

Thank you for everything! You are a big part of why I am the person I am and why I have all that I have. I miss you both!

Marc Anthony Hates Me!

I was talking to Alex about this today and decided it would be fun to blog about. :)

This morning, I went into the bathroom to start getting ready for the day and turned on the radio, just like I do every day. It was on Star 102.1FM and the Marc, Kim, and Frank Show was on. Kim was gone today due to her son having a tonsillectomy. Marc and Frank were discussing Google Instant, the new way Google brings results to you faster by predicting what you are typing. Having just experienced it myself the night before, I left my thoughts about it on the Marc, Kim, and Frank Facebook page, just like their commercial says to do. I went on and finished getting ready.

Later at work, I was responding to a Facebook message and got curious about my Google Instant comnment. I clicked on over to the M,K,&F page and found that my comment had been deleted. I'm not sure why. It was in no way offensive, said nothing bad against or towards anyone, and was relevant to the conversation. It's not the first time this has happened either. For reasons unbeknown to me, comments I left about the topic have been deleted. I've always had a feeling about who was doing it. Now, I think I know. For those of you who don't know, Marc is very into photography. I remembered seeing some of his work online sometime and was wanting to take another look. However, I couldn't find the site. So yesterday morning, I sent him an e-mail asking if he still had a site for his photography. No response was received. When you're that into your hobby and someone asks about it, wouldn't you be excited to show it off? The lack of response and multiple deletions of comments has led me to believe Marc Anthony does not like me, maybe even hates me. I'm not sure why he does.

Now, I'm not one of those crazy people who who's gonna swear off the show or the station or anything. I still enjoy the show...well, I normally enjoy the show. Today's was not the best, but I'm hoping it's just because of the football mania they were feeling. I did miss Kim. She's a presence the show needs. If the show goes the same way tomorrow, next week I will be listening to my iPod in the morning, at least until Kim comes back to get her boys to shape up. Anyways, I won't swear off the show. I don't know him and his issue doesn't change me. I just think it's weird and hateful for no reason. Just sayin'!

 
If you have any guesses, please share them in the comments or on my facebook page: Sevier Life by Sevier Girl!

Cellular World

Cell phones. Are they an addiction or a necessity? We all know that something so relatively new to the human race cannot really be a necessity. A lot of us still remember life without them. Logically, we know know that we can exist without them. However, there is no physical part or substance of a cell phone upon which to become dependent. So cell phones must fall into the category of "psychological addiction." About psychological addiction, I found this: "Psychological addiction refers to the lack of willpower in fighting against a compulsive need for something." I had to disagree with this statement. It seems to me a psychological addiction would not refer to the lack of willpower to fight a compulsive need, but to the compulsive need itself.

So what drives us to be addicted to our cell phones? What causes this "compulsive need?"

Let me draw from another known item. The general consensus (though still vehemently debated) is that marijuana does not ignite a physical addiction, but it can cause a psychological addiction because of the way it makes you feel. People can become addicted to that sense of relaxation, euphoria, and peace that pot provides. So what feelings do cell phones provoke? To be honest, I could not think of any particular feeling that having my cell phone with me causes. Feature-filled though it may be, my phone has/does nothing for me to be addicted to. It's just there, like it's part of me. It's supposed to be there. This leads me to what does cause feelings to crop up, NOT having my phone. I'm not as bad as I once was, but  I can tell you what it's like. Just leaving the phone somewhere, whether it be on the bedside table or a table at Red Lobster, panic overwhelms you. The heart starts racing and breathing becomes quick and strained; the worst hyperventilate. This is not specific to business people whose livelihood is on the phone. This is your everyday average person. Generally, during the time it takes to go back for the phone, nothing is missed. No one called. No one texted. All is well. Why the panic? The phone must provide us with a sense of comfort that we do not even realize...until the moment it's gone. They have become expensive, high-tech security blankets capable of making calls and locating wi-fi hot spots. How did that happen?

I guess there is just so much available to us so easily. Social media comes with us now. We can keep up with all our friends, all the time, even the ones we don't really like. In case of emergency, be it a life-threatening accident or a stain on your date-night shirt, cells enable you to reach whoever you need at the push of a button. If you suddenly want to remember how many feet are in a mile (5280'/mile) or find out when the black bear mating season is (May to July, sometimes as late as August), the internet is a quick tap of the touchscreen away.

A child with a security blanket may not be able to tell you why they keep it with them or how it makes them feel. They'll simply say, "I like it." As adults we are much more articulate, capable of explaining the logical reasons for keeping a phone with us, but the compelling need is the same and just as unexplainable. So are we addicted to cell phones? Nah, we just like them.

Falls and Thrill The World

Hello, everyone! Hope you all enjoyed your Labor Day weekend. It was certainly a nice one. Perfect weather, great start to the football season, Boomsday. Excellent! Great end to summer and start to fall!

We had a fairly calm few days. As you know, Alex had to work Saturday and that totally sucked. However, Sunday was good. We had planned on going to Boomsday, but decided against it. Staying out late and fighting traffic to get home when we had to get up at six the next morning just didn't seem like the best idea. Maybe next year.

Monday, while getting ready for work, the hair dryer fell off the counter on to my foot. It hurt, but I didn't notice until I went to put on my sock that my foot had been disfigured! There was a huge, hard knot on the top of my foot. It totally freaked me out! I just put my sock and shoe on and hoped that it would go back in because it was really not pretty.

Labor Day was a slow day at work. Most visitors to the area were going back to their homes. We were prepared for a busy day, but no such luck. However, I did make more today than I did the past few times I ran register. It may not have been more people, just more people with open wallets. 

After work yesterday, Alex and I went to the Pigeon Forge Community Center and played tennis. We don't follow rules or keep score. We just try to hit the ball back and forth. Once we manage to do that we'll work on doing it right.

I did have a rather bad night last night. Right before I left work yesterday, a girl announced she was pregnant. By her tear-filled expression I knew the answer to my question, but I had to ask. No, she had not been trying to conceive. It just happened. She was the second girl at work in the last month to have this happen. There are always woman coming into our business who are pregnant. That usually irks me because they are pregnant with two or three children already. Sometimes I swear these people are ruining my chances by throwing off the balance of kids to parents. I know that's not true, but I'm at the point that I am very bitter about not having at least one of my own. This all put me into a sobbing, crying mess for about a good hour yesterday. I just don't understand why people who are not planning on a child keep getting pregnant while I keep failing. I've never expected life to be fair, but I had no idea it would be so cruel.

Anyways, moving on before I get back into tears. I have my annual "beginning of fall head cold." I hate it! It happens every year right on schedule. When I was a kid, it kept me from going to Katie Cochran's birthday party every year. Naturally, her parties were the best and I had to hear about all the amazing things I missed from my friends. It's aggravating because from the shoulders down I feel great. From the neck up...sore throat, cough, runny/dry nose, and headaches. Such an annoyance.

There was more talk of "Thrill The World" going around today. That's definitely exciting! I'm looking forward to trying to remember the dance. Definitely not going to do the "Live at Five" thing again though! The others can do that if they want. I will politely decline. The teeny-tiny stage they gave us to be on last time was not cool. Anyways, hopefully, we will have a great turnout again this year. Last year was a blast! We had Ola Ray there. She was the girl in the "Thriller" video. She did the countdown for us and then did her scream. Here is a link to watch the video: Thrill The World 2009 - Gatlinburg. Everyone needs to head to the Thrill The World site and start learning the dance. It's extremely easy! I promise! I cannot dance, but I can do "Thriller!" I expect a bigger turnout this year. It's a great part of Sevier Life!

Satan Fell "Because" of Evil?

This is another old blog that I wanted to move over to my new blog. It created a lot of interesting conversation. I doubt it will here since this is still a newbie site, but at least I will have it here anyways.


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Satan fell to the temptation of pride.

There have been people who make the quote, "Money is the root of all evil." Most know this is incorrect. It's actually, "The want of money is the root of all evil."

This leads me to ask the question, "Is temptation evil or is it the act of giving into temptation which is actually evil?"

One could say that without money, there would be no want for it. Therefore the money itself is evil.

Same theory could apply to my question. One could not give into temptation if temptation did not exist. Therefore the temptation itself is evil.

However, if that was true, if temptation itself is evil, then evil pre-existed Satan. He was tempted. Satan could not be the creator if Evil, merely the first to fall into Evil.

For Christians, that should be a scary, freaking thought! Going along, thinking Satan is the "Evil One", as bad as it gets, when in actuality, there is a force beyond him, the force which brought his Fall from Heaven into being. Is there a "creator" other then God, that created Evil? If not, if Evil is just a force that exists, then who else to attribute it to then God. He created everything else.

Lets follow that line of thought. God creates everything. To be fair, lets say he only intended to create good, but, as we know, for every action there is an equal and opposite reaction. Therefore, Evil came into existence as the opposite of good. (Again, we're just following this line of thought. So if you're going to say scientific laws do not affect God, I'm just going to say, "Well, then God created Evil knowingly and willingly." So pick whichever thought you prefer so we can continue this hypothetical path of thought.) Evil is just some cosmic force, a whispering in one's mind. A whispering in Satan's mind that tells him he is just as powerful as God and Heaven should be his. So he becomes full or pride in himself and falls to the temptation of having Heaven as his own.

Now, since God, inadvertently or not, created Evil then the temptation was caused by God himself. Fair line of thought I think. However, in James 1:13 it states, "When tempted, no one should say, 'God is tempting me.' For God cannot be tempted by evil, nor does he tempt anyone." This kind of lends to the idea that God is infinitely good. And if that is the case then he could not be the creator of Evil because Evil is what tempted Satan and God does not tempt at all. I think it's fair to say that if he does not tempt, he does not cause temptation. So if God did not create Evil and Satan did not create Evil, where did it come from? Did it pre-exist God? Does anything pre-exist God? I'm not really going to get into that as it is kind of an endless argument. If something pre-existed God, what pre-existed that? The chicken and the egg question kinda.

Another however: However, if God is infinitely good and not a hypocrite (Matthew 4:16 "For if you forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you."), then assumedly, at least by the end of time, God must forgive Satan and Satan's followers for sinning against him. Is that true or are there sins that exist that transend all ability to be forgiven? And if God cannot forgive these sins then he can't be infinitely good.

Cake for the Pity Party!

Today started off pretty well and I have faith that it will end well. Unfortunately, for the moment, it's not that great. I've been having a little pity party and I even have the cake to go with it.

I'm sure I'm not the only one who has these kinds of moments in life. Something bad occurs and is immediately followed by your mind being flooded with all the bad occurrences of the past few days/weeks/months/whatever. I hate it because I know I don't need to feel this way. I have more than many people and I have a lot for which I'm thankful. Sometimes though it's like my mind turns off its logical center and demands to be selfish and stamp it's foot in a bratty, child-like manner. {sigh}

So I figured I would write it out. All ready I feel better. It may be because I have music playing again. I've had music playing all day, but then I watched a movie. After the movie I went and got in the shower. The house remained quiet and that's when I started thinking.

See, today is a gorgeous, beautiful day! Absolutely superb! Well done, Mother Nature! Today is my day off so I get to enjoy it. It's also Alex's day off. However, Alex is not here. He is at the same place he has been since about 8:00am, work. Before he left, he said he may get to leave earlier than usual. I realize "may" implies only a possibility, but as I was watching the movie he e-mailed me saying he wasn't going to get to leave until the normal time. Forty-five minutes later he says he might slip out at 3:30pm. That's great! Ten til four he sends me an e-mail showing what he has left to do. So not only is he not leaving earlier then normal, he's leaving later then normal. 

Since I had spent the whole day by myself I was totally bummed out. From there it just snowballed. (I hate his job; he's always letting himself get walked over and jumps the second they say. I am childless. People around me are having kids and/or getting more kids. Fair share of children is not currently happening in my life. My friends all live forever away from me. Totally alone, blah, blah, blah.) It's just a bunch of little things that culminate.

Alex is finally home. So I'm feeling a little better. He finds the Android cake as funny as I do. It was such a disaster. {sigh} But as I told my cousin, it's the attempt that matters. I may or may not attempt that again in the future.

I watched "The Proposal" today. Yeah, I know I am behind the times. I liked it. It didn't have me totally laughing out loud, but I did have the occasional chuckle. Of course, in my state, I ended up in tears a couple times. Actually, before I watched "The Proposal", I watched the end of "Planet 51." I had started it one day and didn't get to finish it. I had tears well up watching the end of that! Perhaps I need to take Kim Hansard's advice and get my hormones checked. Ha!

Off to finish my Saturday!

Just A Pickin' & A Grinnin'!

Last night, Alex and I decided to go to the "Pick and Grin," a fund-raising benefit for a program called "Guitars, Not Guns." "Guitars, Not Guns" is an organization that provides underprivileged children with guitar lessons and their own guitar. It's a great cause working to keep kids from turning to violence. The benefit was held in the downstairs area of Latitude 35, a trendy restaurant/bar in Knoxville's Market Square. I had heard nice things about the place, but last night was my first time getting to see for myself. I definitely think I would like to go back sometime for a regular night. The music was excellent! I have high standards for music played in clubs, bars, and such. 

The "Pick and Grin" involved to aspects: music and comedy. Hence the title of  the benefit. I didn't care much about the music part, but I love comedy so we headed up to see the Knox Comedy Hour that started a bit after seven pm. Frank Murphy of Star 102.1 FM's  Marc, Kim, and Frank Show and member of Einstein Simplified acted as emcee. There was a large number of local media personalities that had agreed to try their hands at comedy for the sake of the children. I don't remember everyone. The ones I do remember are Tearsa Smith, Michele Silva, Ashley Johnston, and Whitney Kent. As comedy insurance, there were some professional improv people there: Brad Bumgardner, Todd Covert, Dave Fennell, Greg Huff, and James and Krisha Newport. No, I did not remember those names. They come straight from Frank Murphy Dot Com, where you can also find the rest of the local media who joined in.

There were some interesting games played. Most were completely new to me. A great game called "Lassie" had  one of the guys attempting to relay via pantomime and barking that Carrot Top was with Timmy and they were "picking out his fro." The same game allowed us to see Tearsa's killer moves as she portrayed MC Hammer. Maybe she'll join us this year for "Thrill The World 2010." It will be going on in Gatlinburg again this year. 

There were many more games that I could fill pages about, but really, you had to be there. And you should have been! Shame on everyone who didn't attend. No worries though. You can gain redemption by visiting the "Guitars, Not Guns" website or the "Pick and Grin" site and making a donation. Then be sure to head to the Square Room at Market Square to see Frank Murphy and the rest of Einstein Simplified doing their "thang." They have shows every Tuesday night at 8:30 pm. Tell them I sent you and...and they'll look at you quizzically since they do not know me. Haha! Enjoy!

Fun World?

I was reading a fun magazine yesterday. Literally. The magazine is called "Funworld." It covers news, trends, events, etc., in the world of Family Entertainment Centers (FECs), amusement parks, and attraction design. Every time I read an issue it causes me to take an objective look at the tourist hot-spot in which I work.

It's true that the ruling company of where I work is a veritable powerhouse in it's industry and all of it's smaller branches rule in their local markets. However, after seeing all the advancement in the technology of the entertainment industry, I can't help but see that our particular location is severely lacking. Even with our recent addition, nice and people attracting as it is, there is little to set it apart from similar attractions all over the world.

While I'm sure our location never needs to fear closing down, I believe it will see a decline in business as the world continues to move ahead while we idle, unchanging, consistently behind in the times. This business is the type that needs to be able to expand, as well. The physical location makes that almost, if not entirely, impossible. The recent addition, for example, was not an expansion. It was a remodeling of a pre-existing part of the building. With that exception, the place is the same as it was when I first visited it years ago.

There is no technological advances on display that would astound our average visitor (especially if they have been to some of our competitors who are making leaps and bounds in the right direction). We have a total of five interactive areas. Three of the areas take less than three minutes each to get through. The interaction does not involve touchscreens, computers, or anything along that line. It's all handle-lifting, wheel-turning, and button-pushing with a mediocre resulting action.

How is a business supposed to keep attracting visitors when the business itself cannot even stay up with the times? It's a sad thought.