Search This Blog

Friday, September 10, 2010

Shocked by the Expected

I am sitting at home, not really sure what I should be doing. I was at work and my mom called. As soon as I saw her name on the caller ID my heart sank into my stomach. She never calls me during the work day. When I answered, she asked if I was at work. I hesitantly said that I was. Then she said that she hated to tell me while I was work, but that my papaw had passed away. I didn't know what to say. We knew he was going to pass soon, but for some reason I wasn't expecting it to be as soon. It's weird to be shocked by something you expected.

I'm kind of surprised by the intensity of emotion I feel. Of course I loved him, but I was always closer to my grandma. She passed away two years ago. Even though I was there when she died and I went to the funeral. I never really felt like she wasn't there. They lived in Indiana and even though I knew better, I felt like if I wanted I could get in the car and drive up there and still see her and talk to her. I think I may have felt that way because she was still there, waiting on Papaw. My mom even mentioned how my cousin's toddler came up to papaw and said "Lilly's here." Lilly was my Papaw's pet name for Grandma. Her first name was Lillian, though everyone called her by her middle name, Rowena. She didn't know that. She's a baby, but she said it all the same.

Grandma and Papaw are together now and that makes me happy, but at the same time I am distraught. I don't have that feeling anymore that I can still go see my grandparents if I wanted to. It feels like a doubly hard loss. They are gone and I really do miss them. 

In memory of my grandparents....
I love you, Grandma! I love you, Papaw!
Thank you for everything! You are a big part of why I am the person I am and why I have all that I have. I miss you both!

1 comment:

  1. Kids are amazing like that. She probably had it right on the money. I know when my oldest was little, he had a spirit he referred to as "Grandfather" that he would often talk to and reach for. Odd seeing as how the only person in our family ever referred to as "Grandfather" had passed away gosh 15-20 yrs before he was even born. I dearly believe that we are ALL watched over. Spirits are with us. They watch us, protect us, and even guide us in some ways. The little whispers in your ear, and thought spoken softly in the back of your mind. The flesh is temporary, but the spirit lives on. You are blessed to have had them in your life, and will see them again one day. :-)