Search This Blog

Tuesday, August 24, 2010

Baby Blues

From the last post you can probably tell that I want to have a baby. I'm not getting any younger so I'm of the mind-frame the sooner the better. I also vowed to myself that if I didn't get pregnant by a certain age then I would go to a fertility doctor and get implanted. That age is fast approaching. 
As you also know I have a wedding next year. I do not want to walk down the aisle in a maternity wedding gown. It's just too white-trash for me. However, there isn't a lot of weight gain at the beginning of the first trimester. This means I have until October to get pregnant and if I don't I can't really try again until June. That would suck since this is something I very badly want and have been trying for a few months now.
I really thought we had a great chance last month, but no such luck. So this month we doubled our efforts (not a bad situation). Now I'm in the waiting part. I've had some of the early symptoms, but there are many, many other factors in day to day life that can cause the same symptoms. I don't want to get my hopes up too much. The monthly let down is bad enough. No need to intensify the horrible feelings of failure and disappointment with hope.
I still have a week left before I can test and expect a true result. When I've been waiting so long to have this happen, the couple weeks between trying and learning whether or not you conceived seems like an eternity. I keep thinking I should quit thinking about it. Somewhat counterproductive, huh? But there's nothing I can do about it right now. I just keep finding myself noticing everything my body does, the way I'm feeling, and wondering if it's a positive sign. Like right this moment, I had a sudden headache start up. Could be because I'm looking at a too bright computer screen in a too dark room. Could be the sounds from the game Alex is playing behind me. However, mild headaches are an early symptom of pregnancy so could it be?
Again though, I'm not trying to be hopeful. I don't want to be one of the crazy ladies that thinks herself into a false pregnancy. My Sevier life is dramatic enough without that addition.

No comments:

Post a Comment