I couldn't think of a decent subject today so I decided to regale you all with something I wrote almost two years ago. As I read it now, it occurred to me how true and relevant it still is. I also thank the stars that I am not as cynical and jaded about love as I was then. I'm also very thankful that I did exactly what I said I would at the end of this post. It's why I now have Alex. :) I hope you all take that hope with you and never settle for less than true happiness. Enjoy.
September 21st, 2008
I don't know why I wrote this or what the purpose was. I think I was just rambling. I blame the episodes of "House" I just watched. They had a lot to do with love and what makes people happy.
A lot of people have the "Bumper Stickers" app on myspace. If you don't, you should. It's fun.
Anyways, I was looking at some of the stickers on there and one was a video. Clicking on it brought me to the full size version on YouTube. It was a couple's first dance at their wedding. The started off dancing to "When You Say Nothing At All," inserted the evolution of dance, and then finished with the song they started with. It was cute.
That video led me to another. It was a similar scenario. A guy and his wife slow dancing and then doing some hip hop stuff, surprising everyone. For the last few songs, their two little boys came out and did the dances with them. When I read the info, it said this was at their 10th anniversary party.
How cool is that? To be married for ten years and still be in love, still having fun. There is no doubt in either of their minds, even after ten years, that they are with the one person they are supposed to be with. They set all that stuff up. Imagine how much fun they had while learning it.
All the passion, creativity, and dedication that makes a couple work was on display and it was cool. They were so happy!
I think a lot of us go through life saying we are happy, but we are not. We may be content, but we are not happy. We have good jobs, nice cars, pretty homes. Therefore we must be happy. It's not just about being with someone either. It's about being with the right someone. The someone who after ten years you want to stand up with in front of all your family and friends and do a bunch of silly dances. That is love.
Like I said, things can be going totally one hundred percent in your favor and you can seem so happy. However, I don't think we can be "truly" happy until we have what the people in the video have. There is fact of this all around. If we can be so happy without someone, then we don't need love. If that were true, so many people wouldn't be trying so hard to find "the one." Matchmaking is a huge industry. There is a reason. Even if you don't actively search you still know it.
I have gotten very cynical about love. My friends can attest to that. I have doubted the existence of true love. "True" in my opinion meaning mutual. I have fallen in love...but never with someone who loved me back. I have had people fall in love with me, but then I did not reciprocate. Of course, there are the people who toss around the word love, cheapening its meaning. Every time they date someone, they are in love. People who have been dating for two weeks, a month, are saying, "I love you," to each other. I'm not saying it's impossible to realize you love someone in that short amount of time, but it is very unlikely that both these people feel passion, commitment, loyalty, desire, respect, completely and totally just for each other without even knowing how the other likes their eggs cooked (reference to "Runaway Bride" there). They have the passion and desire, but that doesn't equal love. And these relationships don't normally last. Lucky for them, they weren't really in love so it doesn't hurt that badly when things end.
There is also the other side of that coin. The people who are "in love" just because they like their eggs cooked the same way. They meet someone whom on paper they are very compatible with. Them being together just "makes sense." They get along so they stay together, eventually it must be because they love each other. They have loyalty and respect, but there is no passion, no desire. Doesn't mean these relationships won't last. They can and a lot do, but one or both of the people won't be happy. They will say they are though. These relationships only fail when one of the people realizes what they are missing. Someone or something opens their eyes to the passion that exists in the world and how they settled for less then what they should have. When these types end it's usually badly. The main reason is because so much time was put into the relationship and it was a waste. They get together logically and break up logically.
Love has to have it all! All those things I mentioned above. It has to be there. If a couple doesn't fight, it doesn't mean they are perfectly in love. The passion will evoke disagreements and fights that will be intense. That is good though. Your love should test you and push you to your limits. That's how you get stronger together. If you are in love, commitment and loyalty will bring you back together and you get to make up...which will be just as intense as the fight.
So how do you find happiness like the people in the video? Sometimes I think it's too late. They met, got together over a decade ago. It seems like nowadays things are so different. The world is oversexed and not ashamed about it. Guys don't ask girls out anymore. People meet (at a bar, store, online, wherever) and they talk. No matter what you talk about, what does it all come down to? Eventually everything comes down to sex, which is very disappointing for someone looking for a bit more then that.
So what? Do you wait around hoping that person comes along? Is there no hope? Maybe the people whom are "in love" with someone they just met have it right. Might as well just have fun over and over. Who needs the comfort of long-term familiarity and commitment? Or the people who are logically "in love." If you are going to be unhappy, might as well be with someone who can cook eggs for both of you.
The choice is between being hopeful or settling. Settling for what is irrelevant. Either you settle for "many loves" or the "logical love", but neither is fulfilling. So...the choice. Do you settle? Do you remain hopeful that in this oversexed world there is someone who remembers what a date is? Remain hopeful that there is someone who will give you butterflies, make you smile with ease, piss you off, make you happy, be your go-to person, that you will fall for….and remain hopeful that if you do meet that person, that they feel the same about you?
What do you do?
I guess I will just remain hopeful. I have felt love. I know it. Maybe someday I will feel it for someone who loves me, too.
To my fiance: thank you so much for everyday, for letting me love you and for loving me back, and for making our life as happy as the couple in the video I saw so long ago. I love you.