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Saturday, August 28, 2010

Friday the 13th was 2 weeks ago! WTH?

I will have a very busy day this coming Monday. There's a lot of things I need to update in our inventory system at work. I have the system installed at my desk in the office and at the cash register I run. I was on the register yesterday so I tried to get as much done there as possible, but it was running insanely slow. I finally gave up. I was spending more time waiting for the computer to catch up then I was updating the items. So now I just have a ton to do Monday. I'm sure that will make getting to sleep easier on Sunday. {sigh}

For those wondering, I am not pregnant. My "Aunt" showed up yesterday...five days early. Aside from dashing my pregnancy hopes, it also meant that Alex and I hadn't even been trying during the right time. Normally I am very regular, but it seems like ever since we started trying things have been out of whack. I don't know if it's the stress, my age, or what. I have got to figure out something. Dealing with gut-wrenching disappointment, the complete betrayal by my own body, and the sadness over losing something you never had is not something I can keep doing month after month. It's too hard.

Just in case yesterday wasn't horrible enough, I got a text from my mother while I was at work. My grandfather, whom was diagnosed with non-Hodgkin's lymphoma a few months ago, has been given "just a matter of days" left to live. This was rather shocking as he had done so well after his first round of chemo and we thought he would get to have a couple years at least. According to my mother, the cancer had spread, even since the surgery he had just a couple months ago to remove as much as they could, it just kept spreading. 

I'm quite torn about what I should do. When my grandmother was in the hospital, about to pass away, I rushed up there. She was unconscious when I arrived and though I did end up with a moment where she opened her eyes and reached out to me, I feel like I would of rather not seen her like that. She was a small woman with a fiery spirit, but she looked even smaller in that hospital bed. My grandfather, on the other hand, is the opposite. He's always been a tall, strong man, the cornerstone of our family and of the business he runs. Mom says he is extremely thin. He's 6'2" tall and currently only weighs 130lbs. I just don't think I want to see him like that. I do feel bad since the majority of my family is there with him. However, most of them live there, too. It's a seven hour drive for me. We did have a good visit early last month. He got to meet Alex and that was good. I think I want to just leave it at that.

Needless to say, I was more than ready to leave work yesterday. I am trying to relax a little this weekend, but it's hard considering my condition. I think may curl up with a Harry Potter book later, Take a couple hours and just disassociate myself from Sevier life.

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